254 : 17 days and counting

Having just watched eagle eyes, the movie, well you just gotta realised, the internet ain't really a safe place to share information. Social networks, blogs, online accounts forums whatever all contain tiny bits of information about yourself. The gahments have got their eyes too, on the net, prowling under the shades of anonymous users, tracking and analysing each and every 1s and 0s, including this very sentence i am typing now. (and of course, someone out there with civil servant card would be laughing their ass off with my poor command and use of grammer)

The ahmi does not want you to write bad about them, thats for sure, image is super duper important to an organsation's function and operation. And i know too better about image and perception on things. I'm quite sure there would be some idiots out there who talk too much on the net and getting their ass whacked, but there's never been a strong motivation to go and read about how others think.

Just some quick reflections/whining/discovery at this red hot moment in time...

I've been told to be whining too much ( as seen from example above ), being too dependent on others and just being not man enough. I appear timid, always being too careful and too afraid to take risk and do things. Indifferent about things too, issues that really deserves attention, i simply turn and chuck them one side. Out of side out of mind. As far as this goes, i would like to admit, i am a timid guy.

Being inside ahmi proves this point to a whole new level in which i can now neither run, hide or simply dig a hole and shove my head into the pit. Its a crappy revelation kind of feeling. I had sub-consciously convinced myself, being the person who i am today, and still being accepted by other people was simply enough. ITS NOT.

Regimentation, not being in control and being controlled by others for some is a scary thing. Criticism, i take criticism too personally and often i don't feel too good about it.
Responsibility, itself is a burden and often than not i question is there truly a need for it. Holding up more responsibilities voluntarily to me sounds like digging your own grave (esp in the ahmi), and up till now i've been pushing things away, and haha karma strikes back at me, and now i'm the silly pratwooon IC ( ai si 要死）. Gosh i hate being pinpointed at things....

At this point in time, i'm quite amazed by the fact that, so many people had been through what i had gone through, and i feel that they're still doing well. Pok, Rui-ge, cockbite to name a few... They're still alive and happy i guess.

News just in another recruit just died again, third time this year, and another fellow brother from SP. And so far all those poor souls who lost their lives are from poly. Are we simply getting not enough exercise during our studies, thus not as zai as our JC counterparts ? Or is there something else ?

That aside, i need to put in effort in facing my fears and my severe lack of talent. Become stronger in the mind and body, and try not to kill myself in the process. The only motivation i am still desire life is to have some of my friends and family view and evaluate me different than what i am today. Hopefully everything will work out just fine.

Oh and what a wonderful way to celebrate the muslim holidays by raising the electricity prices. Thanks ar.

253 : Episode 01 - Conscription

From Kai's Web Comics

Read right to left !

This will be the last entry before 2 weeks of cold turkey. Looking forward to the great jungle outdoors, with palm trees, beautiful scenery along with the smell of delicious catered ahmi food. Been told to treat this time as '度假' by someone close. Well, come what may !

252 : Good buddies

A happy Wednesday lunch...

... in which i skipped because i felt like shaving my head...

...which spawned and inspired ugly (and happy) clones.

Buckle up recruits ! Exciting times ahead !

251 : More sketches !

I still remember i "koped" this piece of A3 paper from my studio neighbour when he wasn't looking.

This was from last year, when i was still learning how to sketch ( properly ). Lots of meaningless cross-hatchings, lots of strange lines here and there, but still i dare say it shares the spatial experience quite well. Ah, school projects, how i missed them now... Its all about experimentation and making stupid mistakes. Well, can say this sketch is one of my few few success.

Anyway, the sketch is fake one. Construction lines were generated using a 3D software from the model i built, adjust a view, printed over it, and drew some extra hand hatched lines to give it a more messy human touch.

250 : the last 10 days

So, whats keeping me busy for my last 10 days of freedom ? Here's a hint. If you know this place, where the picture below depict, well its a pretty big design project/competition going on.

Warning pictures are in super hi-res, wait awhile to load. Its a nice paranomic view i did consisting of many pictures stitched together.

Save it or click to enlarge...

Whoooo long...

Well, work is good to keep me busy, or should i, like most guys, enjoy fully their final hours clubbing, playing and chionging ?