108: YUI WALLIES

This was one of the wallpapers i did many many many months ago when Rolling Star was like the coolest song ever, well that was last time. During my industrial attachment, i kinda got sick of cadding, even right now as i labour my eyes to complete my work. Speaking of which, my myopia just increased bi-fold, walking down the path of blindness already. New specs next week !

107: Dreams

I had a dream last night. It was a happy, but an unrealistic one, even though sometimes my dreams are prophetic but nowadays it doesn't seem to be the case anymore. I will not elaborate about that dream, its somehow sad in one perspective as its too optimistic. Optimism would only get in the way of realism.

There's so many things to do. I can't seem to find which one to let go. Every single thing are so equally important. Shit did i get my grammer right ? Haix. There's so many things i care about, school, friends, work, my future, being happy and maybe even making people happy. I just can't do it all, its a realisation, its a fact, its life. Life, how sad it really is, how irritatingly desired and absolute.

Gonna be super emo here : Oh man, god hates me, he hates every part up till each and every blood cell in me. The world sees me as a prick in the skin. I am a failure as i see it. Its smack right into my face and i am not doing anything about it. I have lost the fire to live, the will to desire, the passion to breath. Everything is a single dull shade of grey. Life had taken its toll on my frail body and the torture does not stop there. It seeps deep into my bone and scars me from within. Everything i have known and get to feel attach to is a lie. A big fat lie, fat fat fat ugly lie. You lied to me and whatever did i do to deserve such treatment ? You make jolly in my defeat and pain, you hold parties with glasses of champagne and wine. And i, fester silently within the four walls of my abode, alone and unknowingly. A parasite grows within me each passing day, eating up the very essence of the me that exist. Soon he shall be no more than a mindless soulless body. A corpse, a zombie. Nothing seems to be right anymore, i cannot fully grasp my emotions and thought. Everything is in a mess, the floor is in a mess a reflection of myself. Words are just words with no deeper meaning and value. Value ? Who am i to talk value ? Who indeed. The future is dark so dark, even light has abandoned it, leaving without a word. Now on, i walk with me in the tides of uncertainty. Me, my only friend. And just between me and you, i choose me.

Help i need to breath some air of hope. Any hope. The darkness engulfs.

106 : Rover Website Update !

When you think you got enough things on hand to drive you up the wall and across the south china sea on a bike alone, you get more work. Its really like a snowball effect, but we're not earning money here, its free labour.

The great me is now in charge of the Singapore Rovering Website which had been maintained by some other guy in the previous committee. I just did the first update of the site, and redid the welcome poster on the main page. Its really last minute and stuff as i got zero resources to work with. Feels kinda like going to war without your pants on.

I am finally have total control of a domain. This marks my first step of taking over the world through the internet and soon the universe. Lol and behold the great YK ! Roar ~

-Stressed Out-

105 : Summer Sports JAS event

Went there last sunday actually. Was already super duper jaded from the lack of sleep the previous night due to a rover camp in HQ. Ran some laps and won some stuff, only C.O.P though... Finished up my survey on japanese life in Singapore, managed to get 14 surveys done in around an hour half. Not too bad =) Talking to the japanese in Singapore is really what we call YOKATTA ! YOKATTA, they speak good engrish !

Loser kuah and i posing for the camera. Retarded as usual, probably the rest of his life.
Me taking a picture of a kid taking a picture of other people.
Mascots for the Sports meet. They have a cow, a cat and a rabbit. Unfortunately, i was unable to take a picture of a kid beating up the cat. It was so damn hilarious, the cat suit helmet came off, i saw the lady inside and her face was like all black. So pitiful, getting to wear such a thick costume on such a humid day and get beat up. Oh well. It was good entertainment.
Rained in the morning heavily. The ground is extremely soggy. However, i had predicted so and i brought my booties along ! They are still drying in my bath now. Soggy smelly feet.


JCC buddy jiahua posing for the shot. We just got our bento set. Being vegetarian, the organisers got a vegetarian kway chap from the west coast food court. YUP.
Ok, so i took photos of someone else's bento set.
Highlights for the bento include potato salad, one ebi tepura, and one slice of unagi (OMG!).
Lack of sleep + chips + stressful workload + bad lighting + lousy camera phone = fat yk.
The strong man event, people suppose to endure and carry a super heavy sack of sand and see who can hold it up the longest. Sports eh... ?

104 : Dou Da ?

Had an outdoor lecture today. Went around SP looking at air condition services. Quite a rare sight.

Taken from the the roof of the Singapore maritime academy. Behold the Singtel Comms tower in dover/clementi.
Image distorted as i was shaking my camera here and there.
Huge assed cooling towers made from *cough*japan*cough*. They make sure your auditorium/classes cool to a comfortable temperature within 5-10 mins. Good stuff.

Inside the cooling tower, are actually pipes that sprays water out, in which the water gives off heat then the fan at the top will discharge that heat. The cooled water is then used again for cooling the chiller.

Roof top pipes that transport the water to the individual chillers somewhere else, some goes to AHU (air handling units) which leads to the FCU (fan coil units, those things in your rooms that blows out cold air)

Wow doing a revision through blogging, good stuff.

103 : One hell of a weekends

Many a times, i seem to be whining more and more. Is this a sign of age, or the opposite way round, or is it something else ? Hmmm...

In the next few days, or more exactly TWO days, i will become someone else. The original me will cease to exist, and a substitute kai will take over from there. There is just so much to do in two days.

So so so much things to do in the weekends. Sometimes i wonder, if i have extra time for something else, or even someone else. Its been so long since i ate out with my mom, used to do it at least once a week, but its over now. Year 3 is different.

Sadly, reality smacks right at me, "time is ultimately managed by the individual". There is no such thing as no time, only no time management. I am so sick of giving myself the same excuse of having no time, but deep inside me, i know i've been a bad boy playing games on my DS to destress.

Yet, people do not care whether you've got too many commitment outside their field, the only thing that matters are results. The world is so result oriented that its sickening, well at least to me that is.

Originally i thought that i could manage well with so many things up my sleeve for my final year. School Projects, overseas exchange trips, cultural exchange club, scouting, guitar teaching, japanese language exams and more. Maybe i had over estimated myself for being so ambitious, but yet again i was someone who lacked ambition, no fighting spirit, no desire to win, nothing. And i wanted to change that, at least make a dent in this world before i bid farewell.

Under normal circumstances, which is me, the old me, i would heck care, live each day by the hour and not think about the future too much. But someone had taught me that, sometimes its good to do so, and rather NOT plan on the future. Being uncertain is a bliss maybe, but certainly not ignorance. Its been so long since i planned such a post le. Haha. Sometimes some stuff cannot really say directly de.

!

102 : The rain an epitome of truth ?!

DELETED DUE TO OVER-EMONESS OF POST, I AM ASHAMED OF MYSELF.
-YK.

101 : 101 posts lol !

I can't believe its 4pm right now. It really felt like i just woke up from my slumber. The weather is really cool after the rain and the sleep bug is knocking me on my door. Not a good thing.

Ok time to do some brain exercise to keep me awake and maybe be philosophical again. The topic will be Youth Decision Making in our Society. I selected this due to the recent email i got from the scouts HQ regarding the once every 4 years youth forum thats going to be held in my favourite country in october.

Lets start from the fundamentals, studies. In Singapore, we are famous for producing scholars, people who are apparently good at studying. According to some report the top graduates from harbard and other high high end deep deep wallet overseas institutions comes from our sunny island. I won't say its a bad thing about being so good about studying or what, but what i am concerned is the decision to go abroad and own everyone on paper, whether it was a decision made by the student himself or by their parents. Now thats important.

At this point, lets give ourselves a scenario, taking the example of the recent new DPA (direct polytechnic admission), where you get to secure a position in a polytechnic in Singapore even before a graduating secondary school kid gets their hands on their 'O' level results. Well the selection process involves aptitude tests, interviews to assess your passion in a particular field and secondary school results.

Honestly i cannot imagine myself choosing my path of what to take when i am like, erm, 15-17 years old. Its scary. Its good to see more students are showing interest by attending/find out more in open houses conducted by the institutes, but ultimately, when they make that decision to apply for a DPA or go to JC or go through the usual admission exercises after they get their cert, who's going to take responsibility if they ended up with the wrong choice, hence wasting a full year or 2 in a course which they don't like in the end.

Depending on the family background, most families would prefer their son or daughter to make that decision on their own. Some, i know the parents are strict dictators, whom they decide everything for them, so the whole decision making part is well, gone. On this part, not much could be done by outsiders to change this. For myself, i prefer parents influencing their kids on decision making rather either deciding everything for them, or show no concern and opinion on things.

The direction is moving towards the bringing up of the kids now. Using myself as a case study, i realised there is a direct paradox to all these. Let's say meals for instance.

Parent : "Hey son, what do you want for lunch."
Son : "Anything is fine."
Parent : "Our food center do not sell an item called anything."
Son : "Ok fine, i want fish and chips."
Parent : "But its heaty and you are having a sorethroat."
Son : "Hamburger from McDonald's then."
Parent : "You just ate a fish filler yesterday."
Son : "Argh, please, i will have anything you buy."
Parent : "Make a choice ! Later i buy back then you do not eat then who eat ?"
Son : " ... "
Parent : " ... "
Gramps : " I'll eat."

Sad isn't it ? Many children are not taught the importance of making a decision. Seems like people want us to learn it the hard way. Like, by making the wrong choice, you suffer the consequences or the right one, you get your reward. Since young, they are not aware of the heaviness and importance of the process of decision making.

I feel you need to have a really matured mind to think critically and straight. So for kids, i feel they should be trained since young on this. Let me give you an example :

Guy to another guy friend while walking on the street: " I think that lady's chest is too big."
Friend : "Huh, that's my girlfriend man !"

Could you see the decision making process there ? Haha, try thinking critically like, why did the guy choose to tell his friend that statement ? Was it necessary ? Was it needed for the friend to reply and making the guy feel bad by replying him that way ? Factors such as closeness of their friendship play a part, and these do add up to the decision making process too.

Kids ? They simply squirt whatever is on their mind. Hence, many kids are told to shut up infront of guest and friends of the family. By teaching kids the importance of cause and effect during early childhood development is a good thing. It might be difficult in communication but it will really benefit the growth of a child in the future. Another scenario :

*6 year old kid pokes finger into power socket.*
*Dad sees immediately grab the finger and give it a soft slap*
Dad : Bad boy ! It is dangerous !

Could you think of a better way to teach the kid not to do that ? Give it a thought.

To continue, i would like to talk about an ex-classmate of mine, Timothy. I felt that since secondary 3, he's always been lazy and playful and not serious about work. During sec 4, i realised he's actually a genius and picks up skills quickly. Even though he doesn't really put effort into the work and don't really hand in projects, he's still good in his exams and tests. And so i thought, if he was not so lazy and be super hardworking mugger, he could have easily take the number 1 position in the whole level. After talking to him on the train during my industrial attachment programme, i realised there is an explanation to his actions.

From what i remembered, he already knew in his heart what he wanted and achieve in his life. Thus, he's only doing the bare minimum in his secondary school life to make his mark. Why fire a bullet when you only need a punch to take him out ? Teachers had always encourage him to work harder, get better grades, but in the position of educators, they only want better results for their school in general, in which will determine their bonus at the end of the year, or maybe promotions. This is only my assumption though.

The point is, i respect him for his level of thinking, though some might find it ridiculous as he may be just be giving excuses for his laziness. But hey, he's where he is now in his preferred course and living and eating fine ya ? Back then, i studied and studied and not knowing why i was studying for. No one told me. People told me its for going to university and higher education. Thing is, do i need it ? Is it really beneficial ? If you really do have everything all plan out since young, do you make that choice when you still young and follow it though your life ?

Difficult. To wrap up, youth decision making is based on the maturity of the youth, no matter how old he or she is. The level of correctness in their decision made will be based on their rational and how they back it up. To think if it, its really like design. How you need to rationalise on a particular action you did and do accordingly to it. How youths being brought up since young plays a heavy role too.

100 : sabishikutte, kanojo ga watashi no ja imasen.

There is an immeasurable amount of sadness, weariness, sickness, loneliness, and probably restlessness in me right now. But that's probably none of your concern too. Ha, i don't even wanna know who's reading my blog now. But hey, you're here for a reason desho ?

Here's what keeping me at the edge of my sanity lately... Eh, the colours are reversed other than black and white, so keep a look out below...



Its not that great, not sure whether can get that 5k or not. Honestly, these guys been through countless changes and research so before you wanna critique on me, think of the effort. But of course, realistically, in the real world, no one -cares-. Its all about the final product which i find disgusting. Okies, back to work.

099 : feel my soul-ed

それは偶然でもなくって
ありふれた夢なんかじゃなくって
いつも単純なほど　苦しんで
喜びの意昧を知りたいから

098 : more scouty designs

Ok, so whats keeping the great YK so busy lately ? Need to ask ? Great things of course. Typing out a detailed design description for these babies. All hail Rovering in Singapore ! All hail all hail !


Eh i think these images took me around 8 hours of work in total. Intensive work. Going to present them to the big guys in the association next month. Once its passed, every rover in Singapore are gonna stick to it for years and my name shall be eternally engraved as an honourable member of the Rovering movement in Singapore. Mwuahahaha. All hail YK ! ALL HAIL ! *shoots myself*

097 : japan log part 3

DAY 5 :

Yay, a slack day full of fun in japan ! First off for the day we went to an elementary school for observation and activity. Went round the school looking at stuff. The cool thing was that we got to sit down in those chairs meant for 9 year olds and ate lunch with the kids. The children there and here are so so so much different. Their emphasis on education is really on a more rounded development of the child, especially on the arts such as music and stuff, which i think is better. Singapore's education is so rigid and so objective based. Can't learning be fun ?

The architecture for the school is damn awesome, lots of interactive spaces and gathering areas for the kids. Everything is very neat and well organised. Overlooking areas are plenty. It feels very much like a school, but its difficult to pin point the exact things that made me feel so.
We were first greeted by a these lovely kids in their supposedly auditorium. They sang some songs to us, we sang some songs to them. Interesting exchange really. Suddenly as the guitarist i thought we should sing some child friendly song like "the more we get together", ah but hell, they wouldn't understand anyways.
Afterwards, we've got ourselves into a Q&A session. Unsurprising for me at least, this lady's first question came as whether there we couples in the 10 of us present there. Kids. Another question that i answered personally was the ban of chewing gum in our garden city and why. Had to demonstrate the action of sticking gum onto the bottom of your seat and onto MRT doors, and tada, cultural shock ! Surprise surprise.
The song that they sang. Translates as "towards the wide world" or "hiroi sekai he".After lunch we played dodgeball and some of us went playing catching. Talk about indigestion. Anyway, these blue hat girls came and booked me during lunch and asked me to join their team for dodgeball. Looks can be deceiving, they hit HARD with the ball. But they're cute still. The white cap kid joined in last minute without invitation. Kids.
Group photo with nice obedient cute japanese kids are a must.

And so we move on to the next location the Calbee factory. As its a facility of high security to store the secrets of tasty and crispy chips, cameras were mostly forbidden in the premise. The photo above shows me, in a kinky shower cap to keep my hair in, quite comfortable really.A small section of their showroom which features some of their better known products. We noticed a few packs were ripped from the wall as seen above, probably spies sent from other rival chips company had stolen them. Or maybe some hungry kids from other tour groups.The school vice principal on the far left. Oka-san AKA homestay family mommy AKA Katsue-san beside the VP. Me and roomie.
The rest of the day was meeting our homestay family and going over to their house. Sadly, i had a room mate as seen above who wants to steal my bed from the very tired me. His name shall not be disclose for my personal safety. He's lying in his bed now, looking through all those naughty photos he took. My homestay family, and their eldest son and his wife. Pretttyyyy.

096 : many a random too many funny things unsaid

This is so funny and strange. Even as i type all this down maybe 1 year down the road when i read my own writing again i am so gonna laugh my ass off and die or something. But this is just plain crazy.

I think i really dug my own grave. A really deep one in which no matter how much herculean strength you possess you may not be able to overcome the overwhelming weight of the soil above coffin such that it will puncture and pressure you like a donut. Why a donut ? Why indeed.

Scouts, rovers. Campfires. Proposals. Hiroshima post assignments, presentations, videos. Rovers, national level, NRC, badge design write up description presentations, website design, html coding, contact list, fixing email accounts in which i have zero knowledge of. design competitions, sunday school project and presentation, school sharing session, architecture projects, sketches, models, photoshop boards, japanese language test, japanese class and project, japanese cultural club, student exchange club, rover crew management, guitar, songwriting, photoshopping, cosplay.......

I am sure i got so much more things to do in the future. Part 2 of 2007 is gonna kick ass, or i am gonna get my ass kicked. I am officially opening a position and employing a personal secretary to keep track of my own things. If you're interested, please kindly fill in the form below :
-------------------------------
NAME :
AGE AND BIRTH DATE:
GENDER :
INTERESTS :
EXPECTED PAY ( in cents) :
SANITY : YES/NO
SADIST : YES/NO
OTHER COMMENTS :
--------------------------------

Just post it on the comments on this blog if you are really interested, heck for the fun of it or anything, we've all got time to kill guys, lets go !

095 : Hard to forget

I keep telling myself, its impossible.
Weigh the factors, strike off the chances.
It seems correct, but still it feels so wrong.
Following my logic and throwing away my soul.
What are souls and emotions ? Not just a telepathic notion ?

We are two worlds apart, separated by an invisible void.
You could jump but you won't know if you would fall.
You could land properly but break it all.
The risk is always there, but I, too much a coward to face.
Running away was never a good problem solver, yet it proved to be a great emotional helper.

An anniversary is almost here.
Nothing to worry, nothing to fear !
Nothing will happen, nothing will be said.
For nothing is to be our fate.

Join me in this celebration of naught !
That parallel lines would never meet.
That we don't hide and cower our faces in fear.
For the precious memories that we hold so dear.
Let it go, leave it alone.

-Yuan Kai

094 : Japan Log part 2

DAY 4:
And so for another wayang day we visited the HIT (hir0shima institute of technology). Its strategically located on the foot of the hill, just high enough to view the marvelous south view of the sea. It overlooks the hiroshima city which is actually lying on a river delta. Amazing really.
Here's me and the guys i last talked to in HIT during an english class. Nice people, especially naoki-san just right beside me. We've been talking and chatting on msn quite often in both japanese and english. Thrilling, never realised a day such as this would arrive.


F-ing amazing views, desho ?

A poster in their staff office in HIT. Miss universe 2007 from japan. Not that great eh ? Even the japanese people said it was a real shocker to them.Some bus stop in Hiroshima. Or was it a train station ? Cant remember. With erishia-chan and valerie-chan. Is it me or this valerie is like worlds apart (inside joke). Holy sh*t, who's that handsome young man there ? Hmm....

Jane, a member of the royal "do the right thing" group smiles for the camera ! In her very arms lies the great yellow vodafone from japan ! Jack in the corner of the picture is translating a script for erishia for her speech later that night.
Later that night .... Beautiful office ladies awaits us with a warm reception to the land of the super formal occasion in which we shall depart for the next world after our half past 6 performance by SP students. Boy did we suck. Thank goodness no one took any photos. Only got videos. This event is supposedly a annual financial report and dinner event for the HSA hiloshima shingapore association.
The amazing 30mins performance that owned us all. They were before us and world class.

So as i sign of good sportsmanship and competition, i took a picture with the two ladies. Trust me they look better in the picture than in real life. Its the details that counts. However my defeat had rendered me a state of abnormality. Notice my awkward smile.

Once again my insecure mind had caused me to accidentally close my eyes during photo taking.
Okay enough for day 4.

093 : Project submission

Its one of those time, when you feel that being busy IS a good thing. There's so many things to do, so little time. I can't even update my blog on a my trip... Maybe after submission and critique. There's this strong feeling right now that i need to go back japan again ! But that would be most probably just before my NS and after graduation. Oh wells, something to look forward to again in the near future.

Recently been chatting with naoki-san from HIT, our singapore equivalent of NUS about many things. Met him during one of the exchanges during the trip. Really nice to talk to, so nice in fact he invited me over to his place next time too ! Talk about nice. Singaporeeaaans should be ashamed of themselves, our hospitality is second to crap.

Time to do work again ! All hail the great YK. Heel ! Heel ! Peel ! Feel babyyy !.!